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David Wylie's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
David Wylie

[ website | inescapable ennui ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Happy Birthday, David! [06 Sep 2011|09:52pm]
Today should have been David's 31st birthday. How sad that he didn't live to see his 22nd birthday, let alone his 31st. We continue to miss him each and every day. We hope that he knows how much he was loved and still is.

We still volunteer for youth suicide prevention through the Second Wind Fund of Metro Denver (www.swfmd.org). Come join us and Team David at their 10th annual 5K Music Festival on Sunday, September 18, at the Jeffco Fairgrounds. It's the nation's largest suicide prevention fundraiser and is an outstanding community event.

We love you and miss you, David.
Mom and Dad (AKA Mary and Doug Wylie)
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10th Anniversary Second Wind 5K Music Festival [30 Jul 2011|11:02pm]
For anyone interested in supporting suicide prevention in David's memory, the Second Wind Fund of Metro Denver's (SWFMD)5K Music Festival is coming up on Sunday, September 18. It takes place at the Jeffco Fairgrounds in Golden, CO and includes a free barbeque, lots of music, silent auction, and more. It's a lot of fun and a great community event. SWFMD is a local non-profit that provides free mental health counseling to youth 19 and below who are at-risk for suicide and uninsured or under-insured. They've helped over 2200 such youth since 2002 and haven't lost a single one to suicide. That's a record to be proud of!

Team David is now active for participating at the event with Doug and I or making a donation. For more information, visit www.swfmd.org. We'd love to have a large team making a nice contribution to Second Wind!

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's mom
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Happy New Year! [31 Dec 2010|08:40pm]
Here's to a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2011 to each and every one of us. 2010 was such a bad year for so many, hopefully 2011 will be a huge improvement.

We had a good Christmas, with Sarah and Bill joining us from Tampa and Doug's folks here from Texas. As always, David (otherwise known as mockery) was missed. Christmas, along with his (and my) birthday and the anniversary of his suicide are the most difficult times of the year for me. I'm always glad when those difficult days are over with.

Take care,
Mary Wylie (David and Sarah's mom)
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8th Anniversary [15 Jul 2010|10:19pm]
July 1 was the 8th anniversary of David's (AKA Mockery)suicide. We continue to miss him each and every day. It does get easier with time, but it hasn't gotten easy. At this point I don't expect it ever will. He would have turned 30 on his next birthday, September 6. It's so strange to think that he never made it to 22. How sad. What a waste of a fine, gifted young man.

If anyone out there still visits this site and/or thinks of David, please let me know.

We love you and miss you, David.
Mom and Dad
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Happy Birthday [06 Sep 2009|12:18pm]
Dear David,
Today should have been your 29th birthday. Instead, you never got to celebrate your 22nd birthday. Your suicide not only took away your future, but changed our lives forever. Today remains one of the hardest days of the year for us. The other is July 1, the day you took your own life.

We're still involved with the Second Wind Fund of Metro Denver (www.swfmd.org), a teen suicide prevention program that provides mental health counseling to youth at-risk of suicide, in the hope that we can help keep other families from having to experience the loss that ours has. We do that in your memory and in your honor. It's the only silver lining we've been able to come up with.

Happy Birthday, David. We love you and miss you.
Mom and Dad (plus Sarah and your new brother-in-law, Bill)
2 comments|post comment

July 1 - 7th Aniversary [01 Jul 2009|08:03am]
If anyone out there is reading this, today is the 7th anniversary of David's (mockery) suicide. As his mom, it's amazing to think that it's already been 7 years. In some ways it's been a very long 7 years; in other ways, it could have been yesterday. We'll all miss him for the rest of our lives. I still have the ability to cry every day for him, but I don't.

The three of us are doing fine. Sarah, David's sister, is getting married later this month to Bill, whom we're very fond of. It's a good match; they're very compatible and happy together. They live in Tampa. Sarah's in a DPT (Doctorate in Physical Therapy) program and will graduate in two years. Bill works full-time and is in a part-time MBA program. I retired from the Second Wind Fund of Metro Denver the end of May. I still volunteer for them and expect to do so as long as we're in Denver. Doug's retiring from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service in early January 2010. Thank goodness for federal employee retirement benefits!

Take care and make good choices,
Mary Wylie (David and Sarah's mom)
2 comments|post comment

YouTube video on college suicide [15 Dec 2008|09:47pm]
Here's the link for a YouTube video, "Long Way Home: Real Stories of College Suicide and Those Left Behind", that was produced locally. It's very informative and worth the 8 minutes to watch. You'll never know if you might prevent a suicide by being as well informed as possible about suicide prevention, signs of suicide, etc. I'll always wish that someone could have taken steps to try and prevent David's (Mockery's) suicide. He'll be missed for the rest of our lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apbene7XaU8

Take care and happy holidays,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Asking for help [26 Aug 2008|08:05pm]
I had an interesting conversation tonight with a friend's son. His girlfriend's mom had a serious suicide attempt a few days ago and is still hospitalized. He wanted to know what to say to his girlfriend and how to be supportive. I was so impressed that he was being so thoughtful and pro-active. It's such a tough subject and most of us would just as soon not discuss it. However, the best way to prevent suicide is to be open and to ask the tough questions. I'll always wish that I would have known to ask David more than "are you ok".
I'll never know how he might have answered more probing questions or if I might have been able to pick up on his depression and suicidal thoughts. Losing my 21 year old son to suicide has been the most difficult experience of my life. I expect to grieve that loss for the rest of my life. It does get easier with time; it doesn't get easy.

Asking someone if they're having suicidal thoughts or a plan will not make that person be suicidal or more suicidal. It simply makes it ok for them to be honest and to potentially get help for them. You may save a life by being pro-active and asking probing questions.

Another way to help is to get involved with suicide prevention groups/efforts. If you're in Denver, come to the Second Wind Walk/Run/Ride on Sunday, September 21. Second Wind provides mental health counseling to youth 19 and under who are at-risk for suicide and uninsured or under-insured. Last year we had 500 referrals; we're expecting another 500 during this school year. For more information, go to www.thesecondwindfund.org.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Six years [01 Jul 2008|06:01pm]
Six years ago David (AKA "mockery") took his life. July 1 is always a tough day for us. We've gotten to the point where we don't have to leave town. We just try and stay busy and not dwell too much on what happened on this day. We miss David every single day, so it's not like this day is an exception.

I hope that anyone who might visit David's website and/or ejournal will learn from our experience. If you're ever concerned about someone who might be suicidal, please do what you can to get them help. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Depression, etc. shouldn't be a terminal diagnosis. There is help available.

There's lots of information at the Second Wind Fund's website, www.thesecondwindfund.org. We've gotten very involved with Second Wind to try and keep other families from having to go through what our family has gone through. Second Wind has kept 1200 families from losing a loved one to suicide by providing mental health counseling to youth at-risk for suicide. It's a wonderful organization with a unique mission. Second Wind has been the "silver lining" to an absolutely devastating loss.

David, know that we will love you forever and miss you always. You're not forgotten.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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9/21/2008 and "Team David" [03 Feb 2008|09:44pm]
I hope that anyone visiting David's LJ might be interested in suicide prevention efforts. I'm very involved with the Second Wind Fund, which pays for mental health counseling for youth 19 and under in the Denver metro area who are at-risk for suicide and uninsured/underinsured/not on Medicaid and with financial need. Our major fundraiser, a walk/run/ride, will take place on September 21, 2008, in Lakewood. There will again be a "Team David". I encourage those of you able to attend to do so. I'd love to see "Team David" grow in numbers each and every year! It would show me that David hasn't been forgotten and that his death wasn't totally a waste.

The "silver lining" for me is that I'm able to make a difference through Second Wind and help keep other families from going where mine has. So far we've helped over 900 kids! That's alot of families that hopefully will never have to experience the pain of losing a loved one to suicide. Unfortunately, that pain doesn't ever go away, although it does get somewhat easier to live with as time goes on. It's now been 5 and 1/2 years for me (David's suicide was on 7/1/2002) and I'm crying as I write this.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Five years! [01 Jul 2007|03:02pm]
It's hard to believe it's been five years already since David's death. In some ways it seems like yesterday. It's still painful, but we've learned to live with the pain fairly well. This is the first year we didn't go away. Yesterday we worked on a Habitat for Humanity house. Today we took the dog and went for a hike in the foothills. July 1 is a day to keep busy and not dwell too much on what happened on July 1, 2002.

So much has happened since David died. Sarah's graduated from CU with a bachelor's in Biology. She's planning on starting Ph.D. program in Physical Therapy next year. Doug's considering retirement on of these years. I'm quite busy as the Assistant Director for the Second Wind Fund (www.thesecondwindfund.org). We pay for mental health counseling for youth 19 and under at-risk for suicide without the means to pay for it. Last year we has 360 referrals! I still am involved politically, but no longer serve as house district chair.

We're still in the same house. Since David's suicide took place in Boulder, not at home, it wasn't as difficult as it could have been to still live in the same place he grew up. We talk about something different some day, but haven't even looked around yet. Someday we'll be ready for a ranch and a smaller yard.

My wish for anyone who happens to read this is for a long, happy, and healthy life, and to love and be loved. That's all I hoped for my kids. I hope that David is at peace and knows that we love him and miss him.

Take care and make good choices,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Four years [26 Jun 2006|10:46pm]
This Saturday, July 1, will be the fourth anniversary of David's suicide. I suppose it's gotten easier somehow, but it's certainly not easy. His friends have graduated, started careers, gotten married, bought homes, had babies. Their parents have grandchildren. Sarah may someday make us grandparents; David never will. He was so good with kids and would have made an awesome father. It's sad to think of everything he was and everything he could be gone forever.

We're still getting used to our "new normal" as our counselor called it. With Sarah living in Florida, our empty nest is quite empty. At least we have Sophie, our Westie, to keep us company. We both have our work and activities to keep us busy. It's good to not have too much time on our hands.

Take care.
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Merry Christmas, David [24 Dec 2005|02:06pm]
Doug's parents drove up from Texas and our daughter Sarah flew in from her new home in Florida to join us for Christmas. We'll celebrate Christmas Eve with the Garys tonight and Doug's Aunt Annie will join us from Colorado Springs for Christmas. Our biggest celebration is Doug's successful appedectomy Thursday night. He was released from the hospital Friday afternoon and is making a swift recovery.

It's tough to celebrate the holidays without David (also known as "mockery). It does get somewhat easier over time (it's now been 3 1/2 years since his suicide), but it doesn't get easy.

My wish for 2006 is for peace, good health, and happiness throughout the world. If each and every one of us does a little something to make this a better place, it will be.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Second Wind and more [18 Sep 2005|10:46pm]
Today was the fourth annual Second Wind fundraiser here in Lakewood, CO. Second Wind raises funds for mental health counseling for at-risk Jeffco students. Mental health counseling is a cause dear to my heart, as I believe that David (mockery) might still be with us had he sought mental health counseling and prescribed medications. He obviously was not able to treat himself successfully. We had no idea he was in need of such help.

Doug and I were supposed to have volunteered at today's event, in addition to participating. We were unable to do so, but do wish to thank everyone who supported us by making a donation to Second Wind. We didn't attend due to our collision with a deer last night in NE Colorado. Our vehicle (a 2003 Honda Odyssey) sustained major front-end damage and is inoperable. We spent the night in Sterling, CO, and luckily got a ride home with the friends we had just spent a couple of days with at Lake McConaughy, Nebraska. The car remains in Sterling to be repaired. We expect to get it back in a month or so.

We are grateful that the four of us in the car survived the collision without injury. The car can be repaired (we think, and if not, can be replaced). People are another matter. Life is precious and should be celebrated. I hope anyone reading this makes better choices then David did and does seek professional help if needed. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It results in long-term pain and suffering to loved ones. I don't expect the hole in my heart to ever heal.

I hope that somehow my sharing might keep other families from going where mine has. If it has helped you in any way, please comment below. I'm truly wondering if there continues to be any value in my sharing.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Happy Birthday, David [06 Sep 2005|10:44am]
Today would have been David's (know as "mockery" in this forum) 25th birthday, a milestone in anyone's life. As his mother, I wonder what his life would be like today had be chosen to fight to live, rather than completing suicide to escape whatever pain he was in. His friends have graduated from college, started careers, gotten married, had families, purchased homes, etc. His sister Sarah has relocated to Tampa and begun a new life there. David's life ended before he turned 22, at the cusp of adulthood. To visit him, I have a one-sided conversation with a spirit or stop at the columbarium at our church where his cremains are interred. (For any friends that wish to pay him respects at his final resting spot, go to the Green Mountain United Methodist Church located at 12755 W. Cedar Drive (west off of Union, north of Alameda) in Lakewood, CO.)

I continue to be involved with suicide support groups and suicide prevention efforts. The next community event is the fourth annual Second Wind walk/run being held on Sunday, September 18. Registration is from 10 a.m. to 12:15 p.m. at the Green Mountain Presbyterian Church at Alameda and W. Mississippi (across the street from the Green Mountain Safeway store). Doug and I will be working registration as well as walking the one mile walk. Last year there were 1000 individuals who walked or ran. It is heartening for us to know that so many care so much about preventing suicide to the extent possible. Suicide doesn't just end someone's pain; it passes it around to all his/her loved ones. Doug, Sarah, and I will live with that pain for the rest of our lives.

One of David's friends told me that I didn't deserve that pain. No one deserves that pain. Suicide is preventable; depression can be successfully resolved through medication and/or therapy. I remain on medication just so I can sleep and may remain on that medication for the rest of my life. There should be no stigma associated with seeking medical assistance for medical problems. We would have assisted David in any way possible through whatever issues or problems. Our love for him had no boundaries; we continue to love and honor him. If you're reading this, know that your loved ones would do likewise. Choose life, not death. Suicide is a permanent solution to what could well be a temporary problem. Your loved ones would grieve your death for the rest of their lives. There are always consequences to actions, no matter how well-intentioned. David took steps to try and make his suicide somehow easier for us. We appreciate his thoughtfulness, but knew that it could not take away our pain and grief. It helped to the extent that we knew he was thinking of us in a positive way and that his suicide was not because of us. As parents, you take such actions very personally and it would be easy to take on that responsibility. David is responsible for his choice.

In hindsight, his friends and loved ones may realize that David was in trouble and needed assistance. Hindsight can be 20/20. All we can do is learn from our experience and intervene when someone else may need us. It's better to intervene whether or not the individual truly needs that intervention then to avoid doing so to not embarrass either the other person or ourself. The consequences could be deadly.

I hope that anyone who happens to read this is happy, healthy, and loved. That's all that I wanted for my kids. If you aren't, please take positive steps to work towards those goals. You don't have to be stuck in a negative state of mind.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Empty nest [06 Aug 2005|06:14pm]
Today our daughter Sarah and her boyfriend Bill began the three day drive to Tampa, Florida, where they will be living. Tampa is a long ways from Denver. We're used to seeing her at least 1-2 a month. We'll probably be lucky to see her much more than once or twice a year. This is a major change for us. After losing David (mockery), Sarah's presence in our lives was very comforting.

I never really felt like we had an empty nest. With both David and Sarah going to college at CU Boulder (only 45 minutes from our home in Lakewood), we were together often. This will be very different for us. We'll be ok and we're already planning our first trip to Tampa (for Thanksgiving), but we will miss our frequent time together. The empty nest has finally arrived.

Mary Wylie
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3 years [30 Jun 2005|10:02pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Tomorrow, July 1, 2005, will be the third anniversary of David's suicide. It's the first time we (David's mom and dad) will stay in Denver. The last two years we've left town. We plan to stay busy and will work most of the day. We'll visit the columbarium at our church (Green Mountain United Methodist Church in Lakewood) where his ashes are interred on Sunday. The columbarium is open to the public if anyone is so inclined. It's on the south side of the church next to the sanctuary (facing Cedar).

I welcome any memories and other comments any of David's friends would like to share. I'd particularly like to know who has taken part in or plans to take part in a suicide prevention activity of some sort. I know several friends are joining Doug and I in this year's Second Wind suicide prevention walk/run fundraiser on September 18. I encourage anyone who comes across this entry to do something to prevent suicides in David's memory. That's the best "gift" anyone could give me at this time.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom

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Father's Day [19 Jun 2005|12:13pm]
On holidays such as Father's Day, David's absence is particularly felt. Doug's folks, Nani and Papa, are here, as well as David's sister, Sarah. It's good, as always, to be together. It still hurts that David's not with us and never will be again (at least not in the physical sense). We do believe that he's in heaven, happy, and at peace. There is some degree of comfort in that. Even though it's almost been three years (July 1, 2005 will be the third anniversary), I'm still grieving his death by suicide. I hope that someday I will have completed the grieving process, but I'm not sure that's even possible. Suicide carries a lifetime of consequences for the surviving loved ones.

Anyways, we are celebrating Father's Day. Sarah made a nice breakfast for all of us. We're going out for dinner with Aunt Anney and Garys at a Mexican place near Garys. Doug, Papa, and Sarah have gone to a car show. Here's to a Happy Father's Day to all you Dads out there!!! Enjoy your special day and your families and friends.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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David's Memorial Site by Anney [11 Apr 2005|10:22pm]
I've been wanting to add the site David's good friend Anney developed. She did a wonderful job. It might help answer questions anyone might have. Here's the url:

http://www.anney.net/david.htm

Take care and make good choices.
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Happy Easter, David! [27 Mar 2005|11:03am]
Doug and I went to the early service this morning so we could get ready for a nice Easter dinner with our daughter, Sarah, and Doug's aunt, Annie. We're making a nice Italian meal, as we're not overly fond of ham. David would have enjoyed the meal, but not the church service.

We miss David each and every day, but especially on holidays when extended family gathers together. I hope that everyone has their friends and family together on this special day. Life is too short to not enjoy the journey.

Take care and Happy Easter,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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Suicide Prevention - Second Wind Fund [20 Mar 2005|08:02pm]
In an effort to help make a difference in suicide prevention, I've assisted the Second Wind Fund for their 2003, 2004, and now 2005 fundraiser (a walk/run held in September). Second Wind raises funds for mental health counseling for suicidal middle/high school youth (without adequate health insurance or financial resources) in Jeffco. This year's walk/run is being held on September 18. I'd love to see a "Team David" participate with me in this worthy cause.

Here's the link for Second Wind: http://www.thesecondwindfund.org/index.html. Check it out! There's lots of good information, including what to look for in someone who may be suicidal. It doesn't just take a village to raise a child. It takes a village, or all of us, to get through life. I'll always wish that someone could have recognized that David needed help and intervened. I'll always feel guilty that I had no idea that he was in pain, let alone suicidal, and therefore failed to even try to help him.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom




http://www.thesecondwindfund.org/index.html
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Anney's Dream [08 Mar 2005|01:58pm]
David dream by Anney
This is fantastic.

David came to visit me in this great dream I had last night. David, known in this forum as mockery, committed suicide on July 1, 2002. David occasionally visits me while I sleep, always briefly, always shockingly real.

He hasn't visited in a long time. This time, we were in the mountains and overlooking Denver area where he lived. We were sitting on the rock ledge and we could see the city very easily. His hair was a lot shorter, nearly buzzed all over, he didn't have the Kramer hairstyle that he's worn in most of his visits. Also, his body was much more filled out, like he'd been running or working out again. He looked very healthy.

David was waiting for me. When I came, he jumped up and grabbed me up in the air and hugged me, smiling. "Thank you," he told me very sincerely.

And though I said "Why?" I knew what he meant, 'Thank you for being such a good friend.' But he didn't need to thank me for that. It was alwaysalways my pleasure.

I could feel the skin of his neck on my cheek as we hugged. The bristle of his short hair on my temple. When we pulled back, he said, "I love you." This is monumental.

David's visit was telling me that he's happy that I have found Thomas, because then we looked down towards the city, and could see Thomas walking. David hugged me and the scene fizzled to black.

It was awesome. Thomas and David would have been friends, of this I am certain.

Anney


Thank you, Anney, for sharing your David dream. It means alot to me that he's healthy and happy again. As he didn't have a selfish bone in his body, I'm sure that he's very happy that you and Thomas have found each other. I agree that the two of them would have been friends.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
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My Mom is a Survivor Poem from Parents of Suicide Survivors Group [03 Mar 2005|02:13pm]
My Mom is a survivor,
Or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
When all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach
That never washes away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
Who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...
A smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see
Tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
It is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
Through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her those angels
Protect me forever more.
I know that doesn't help her...
Or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
That time won't ever heal.
2 comments|post comment

David's cremains [02 Jan 2005|09:40pm]
We've been holding David's ashes (i.e. cremains) for the new columbarium (an area for cremains to be interred) to be completed at our church. It was completed recently and is now available for use. We wanted to hold the service during the holidays while David's grandparents were still in town, but not too close to Sarah's graduation from CU or Christmas. The folks head back to Texas tomorrow, so today was the latest date that met that criteria. Therefore, any LJ readers that may be interested, David's cremains are now resting in peace at the Green Mountain United Methodist Church in Lakewood, CO. The address is 12755 West Cedar Drive (west of Union and south of 6th Avenue). That is the same church where his celebration of life service was held on July 6, 2002.

I hope that any of David's friends that happen to read this will feel free to pay their respects to David at his final resting place. Please feel free to continue to keep in touch with us. I also hope that somehow this will help to give all of us some degree of closure. I'd like us all to remember the creative, humorous, intelligent, loving young man that David was for most of his life. It's still difficult for me to reconcile that David with the David that took his own life. I doubt if I'll ever truly understand that David. All I know is that I'll continue to love and miss David every day for the rest of my life, as will his other loved ones.

Please make better choices then David did. Live every day to the fullest, laugh whenever possible, love with all your heart. Appreciate your friends and loved ones. Make a difference, whether by practicing random acts of kindness or saving the world (or something in-between!). Life is too precious to ever be wasted. David did make a difference in the time he had, but no one will ever know just how much he could have accomplished in future years.

Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's mom
2 comments|post comment

Merry Christmas, David [25 Dec 2004|12:57pm]
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, David. It's now been 2 1/2 years since you left us and this is our third Christmas without you. We still think of you daily. I shed a few tears for you almost every day. I know you're at peace in heaven and that gives me some comfort. The columbarium at church is done. We're having your cremains interred soon. Hopefully that will somehow give me some peace and closure (if that's even possible).

I continue to volunteer with various suicide prevention efforts and attend suicide support meetings. In addition to being life-ending, suicide is so utterly devastating and life-changing to loved ones. I just hope that somehow your LiveJournal can be a positive influence and perhaps encourage someone who may be suicidal to be pro-active and ask for help. I also hope that better awareness may educate all of us to be more cognizant of possible suicidal behaviors and to take appropriate action.

Happy Holidays,
Mary Wylie
David's mom
2 comments|post comment

My David Poem [26 Nov 2004|08:06pm]
WHAT WAS I THINKING???
December 21, 2003 – Mary Wylie

This poem is in loving memory of my son, David Christopher Wylie,
9/6/80 – 7/1/2002. I sincerely hope that somehow it’ll help someone else.

What was I thinking…
When I thought that life wasn’t worth living.

What was I thinking…
When I refused to ask for help.

What was I thinking…
When I decided there was no God.

What was I thinking…
When I abused drugs and alcohol.

What was I thinking…
When I was sure I wouldn’t be missed.

What was I thinking…
When I chose to end my life.

Now that I know better…
I’m not even sure why I chose death over life.
I thought I was thinking logically and rationally, but I wasn’t.
I should have made better choices and chose life, not death.
I’ve learned suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I didn’t want to hurt my friends and loved ones, but I did.
I now know that my loved ones will grieve and miss me forever.
I know my life was worth living and fighting for.

I want my life and death to make a difference. Please, please, please make better choices than I did. Choose life, ask for help, talk to your doctor and take his/her advice, seek counseling, exercise, eat right, don’t abuse drugs or alcohol, spend time with friends and family, etc. Life is worth living. Make every day count. One person can and does make a difference.
2 comments|post comment

24th Birthday [06 Sep 2004|11:19am]
Today should have been David's (mockery's) 24th birthday. Instead of David posting how he celebrated his birthday, I'm sending him birthday wishes up to heaven. It's now been just over two years since his suicide (July 1, 2002) and we're still grieving. Other parents who have experienced a child's suicide believe that it's a loss you never get over, you simply get through it one day at a time. I believe that's true.

If anyone reading this is considering suicide as an option, please reconsider and ask for help! Let a trusted friend or relative know that you're in trouble and suicidal. Professional help (whether counseling or prescription medications or both) is available and odds are good that someday you'll be glad you chose life. David will never know how his life would have turned out, and neither will we.

It truly does take a village to get through life. Friends and family are there for you. You simply have to let them know you need them. Do not make the same terrible choice David did! Birthdays should be a day to be celebrated, not a day to mourn.

Happy Birthday, David! We love you and miss you. To anyone else who happens to read this, take care, make good choices, and have a happy life.

Sincerely,
Mary Wylie
David's mom
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[01 Jul 2002|12:44am]
That's All Folks!
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[30 Jun 2002|06:19pm]
read this kid -


writingstatic
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[29 Jun 2002|02:35pm]
life's not so bad.

for every Skeletor,

there's a He-Man.
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[25 Jun 2002|10:38pm]
right now i'm listening too 2 live crew, 'can a nigga get a table dance.' in the big scheme of things, isn't that what we're all asking? can a nigger get a table dance? yes, yes it is. and that, is the rest, of the story.
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so tired [24 Jun 2002|11:32pm]
"I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."
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books [24 Jun 2002|09:59pm]
true story. a guy at a book store approaches the information desk, "umm, there's kind of a mess in the mens bathroom..." manager goes back and checks it out. sink, urinals, main floor is fine, but in the handicapped stall... there's a jar or opened vaseline on the floor, vaseline smudged all over the stall walls, a used condom on the floor... and last but not least... half a dozen books from the children's section. i only have one thing to say, those retards are out of control.
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[21 Jun 2002|07:11pm]
Today at work I'm shelving some books and this kid comes up.

-Hi I'm Sam.
-Umm hi, I'm William.
*shakes hands*
am I sposed to know this kid? no, cause he introduced himself
-So you work here?
-Yup.
you want an application?
-How is it?
-It's alright.
a book?
-I'm nervous.
the fuck?
-So do you still shop at Sam's Club?
-Ummmm, I have never shopped there in my life.
-Oh, do you know me?
-No.
-Oh, well bye.
*walks away quickly*
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long days [19 Jun 2002|12:13am]
these days are so long. like modest mouse says, "the years go fast and the days go so slow." i woke up at 6, went to work, got back at 4, went to the drug store, scales are fuckin expensive!, went to class, got back at 9, wrote a paper, and finally done! now i only have 6 days left of school! i'm gonna try to finish 'doctor zhivago' tomorrow and the next day, eat some shrooms friday, write my dz paper over the weekend, and then just get through the last week of class.

oh the plus side, my shrooms are all dried and ready for weighing and eatin. i'm hoping for at least 9 grams. that me and my two pals will get a good taste of what these homegrown babies can do. right now there's three cakes in the terrarium and they are starting to fruit finally. the terrarium is really convenient. i don't ever have to open it and i only use the humidifier for about an hour a day. and it still stays at 90%! that's some excellent insulation on my part, bitches.

one more thing to be happy about, sleep! i fuckin love sleep. if i had the opportunity to sleep the rest of my life away i would seriously consider it. maybe a coma is what i need?
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e [16 Jun 2002|04:06pm]
myennui is new on lj. his ideas are intriguing and i think i'll become a disciple.
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ninjas [16 Jun 2002|01:40pm]
wanna know everything ever about ninjas? here are the straight facts:

http://www.realultimatepower.net/
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tyson [16 Jun 2002|01:09am]
went to a bar tonight with praf. it's the last time we'll be barring before his marriage. crazy. first close friend of mine to get married. at the bar hbo was on and the tyson match was on. i kept thinking how i wanted to watch tyson get knocked the fuck out. then the match went on and he got knocked the fuck out. his eyes were swollen shut and blood was streaming out his nose, and he was staggering and swinging wildly like a drunk old man. his face was so old too. i remember clips from him in the junior olympics. he was all my pals favorite back in the day of 'mike tyson's punch out.' i never could beat him. now i just get kicks from watching him losing it.
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shroom test! [15 Jun 2002|10:32am]
the first ever electric kool-aid mushroom test is scheduled for friday 21st. so far, four participants are expected, however, come friday, how ever many eigths i have is how many people i'm inviting. i hope i get 5/8 so i can invite samadori. that kid really needs to try this shit out.
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test [13 Jun 2002|07:57pm]
so after i harvested that first shroom last nite i tried to read my 'doctor zhivago,' but i couldn't concentrate. so i finally decided to test the little baby out. i ate about 3 inches of stem, which i guess was about 1/16. it was nice. relaxing, some open-eye visuals, but the best part was the closed-eyeds when i went sleep. i remember the first time i tripped, i thought about all the hippy dayglo spirals and designs and i thought, 'wow, i finally get it.' i probably fell asleep fairly soon because i was so tired from work and relaxed from the shrooms, but it felt like i watched these crazy designs for hours. excellent. now i'm gonna wait until i have atleast 3/8 and have me and my roomies each eat an eighth. it'll be a first trip for one of em. can't wait.
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[12 Jun 2002|10:12pm]
i just harvested my first mushroom. 6.5 inches!
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bums [09 Jun 2002|01:14am]
yesterday i was drivin home and i saw these two bums with this really big bum sign, like 6 by 7 feet or so, and i was like, dang, that's some big bum sign. but i couldn't see it from where i was so i drove a big loop around to catch a gander. then i did and all it said was the same old shit, 'can you spare 25 cents for food?' in really big letters. what's that shit about? if you're gonna have some big ass sign it should at least be something new. so i just drove by and didn't give them any change. i never give bums change, but if they have a good sign i'd think about givin them some, but still wouldn't. one day i'll go out there with a sign that says 'can you spare 25 cents for rent?' stupid bums.
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[09 Jun 2002|01:01am]
i wonder who will be the first person to defecate on screen? probly it'll be some fat drag queen like a new Divine or something, and that's just sad. ideally, it should be some sexy female like sarah michelle geller or something. unless she had diahrea, then that would just be poor film etiquette.
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the day [08 Jun 2002|11:23pm]
today was a good day. all i did was homework and shrooms. my terrarium is all set up. i see a small scale shroom factory in my future. all it took was a storage bin, a humidifier, some vinyl tubing, and two empty milk cartons. hopefully some new cakes will be ready for tomorrow nite. soon as i have evidence it works then i'll start the next batch.

i didn't really get bored at all reading my russian revolution homework today. i finished my assignments for monday, so tomorrow i'm going to try to get ahead and maybe start my report on 'doctor zhivago.'

another good thing about school is it gives me an excuse not to drink every day. i only had a few drinks all week, including one right now, which is celebratory. maybe i'll have a chew too. i love a nice chew before bed.
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[08 Jun 2002|11:14pm]
mushrooms are very phallic, don't you think? my only hope is that when my little buddies are bigger than me i won't murder them from envy.
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my goodness [08 Jun 2002|03:50pm]
i just made the latest mushroom count. about sixteen on cake1! the biggest is already an inch tall and the stem is starting to get all thick and fibrous. cake2 has two but i think the humidity is too high (it's in a separate container)and i'll try messin around with that. either way, god damn there's a lot. i might go tonight to get some tubing for my humidifier equiped terrarium. if this set up works i'll be able to put in 12 shroom cakes at once instead of one at a time like i do now. hooray.
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[07 Jun 2002|06:56pm]
i don't think i'll be taking summer classes ever again. it's just too much damn work for something i wasn't even motivated for in the first place. the hardest will be in the next few weeks when my shrooms are ready to harvest and i'll want to just eat some up, and trip out by the pool all weekend, and i'll have to study instead. so far there's 3 little shrooms on my first cake. biggest is about a half inch. mmmmm boy. i love that smell it my room these days.

tonite i'm gonna go see 'storytelling.' it's by the guy that did 'happiness' and 'welcome to the dollhouse.' so basically a bunch of disfunction. also telly from 'kids' is in it. i love that kid.

last nite i stayed up real late and next day i was tired but ditched the coffee on purpose. sleep deprivation can be pretty fun. work went by real fast and thoughtlessly. i think it'd be cool if if i could maintain that on a permanent basis, thinking of nothing but what is in front of my eyes.

i heard about this guy that made some home video where he'd pay bums to ride skateboards down steep hills and fight each other and things of that sort. i sure would like to see that. another thing i think is we should bring back gladiatorial games. find some kids who don't care if they die and let them have some fame before they go out. some people probly wouldn't watch, saying it's 'sick' or something, but denial is just another kick for some.
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pinheads! [06 Jun 2002|04:08pm]
my first little buddies have sprouted!
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school! [02 Jun 2002|11:14pm]
tomorrow is the first day of summer school. i'm glad not so much for learnin's sake but for the sake of gettin off my tv-watchin ass and hopefully watchin me some fine female ass. today i sall this girl at king soopers wearing those little high school gym shorts... with the elastic band folded over a few times!... and no pannies at all! i guess no pannies from the fact that her ass crevice was completely unobscured. perhaps she was wearing a floss thong... no, she couldn't have. all that separated me from her fertile mound was a patch of cheap material and decorum. on the subject of vaginas and school, i remember this one women's studies class i took once. lots a women in that class, you see. this one cutie used to sit next to me and she never wore pannies either. know how i know? whenever she'd sidle past me crotch-first i could smell a strong cuntly smell. the class was in the early morn and i think maybe she had morning cunt breath. maybe she had some sort of infection too. the smell was quite nice either way. one thing i think will happen in the future as sexual inhibitions are lowered is that calvin kline will come up with genital smelling perfumes and colognes. probly sexless guys like me would buy up the perfumes and spend weekend nites sniffin em. another good thing would be to put a few drops on porn mags. million dollar ideas here, kids. feel free to take them. what's all this jazz about 'intellectual property' anyhow? who cares who owns the idea of pussy smelling perfume as long as we all get some?
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[02 Jun 2002|12:10am]
i started the fruiting phase on my shrooms. i had to start early because the mycelium hit a wall. i think i packed the substrate too tight. i'll know for next time. i hope i get at least something out of this crop.
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